There is a great deal of individual variation in the way that children interact with others. Some seem to have boundless curiosity and confidence, while others are hesitant and literally cling to mother’s skirts. Shyness has been the subject of a great deal of study by researchers in recent times. Many have been concerned with the age-old argument of nature versus nurture. Are children the way they are because they were born that way, or as a result of their upbringing?
It is true that shy parents are more likely to have shy children. What is not clear is whether this is because of an inherited predisposition to shyness, or because there is something about the parenting style that makes a particular child shy. In addition, role modelling is very important. A child learns from the way his parents interact with other people, and is likely to emulate this style. Shyness as a particular style is more common in certain cultural groups, though again it is uncertain whether this is genetic or due to a particular style of parenting.
Shyness can be very painful for children who may find it very difficult to interact with others in a social setting, or take a long time to warm up. The worst thing that parents or teachers can do is to push these children into a strange situation, or else ridicule them in front of others. This only diminishes their self-confidence and makes things worse.
It is very important to respect individual differences in temperament and personality of children, to accept them as they are, and to support them in their efforts to negotiate the many transitions of their childhood successfully. A child’s shyness may so affect his confidence and interaction with peers that parents will be concerned about his social isolation. In such cases, it may be appropriate to consult a psychologist or other health professional. A number of professionals specialise in working with shy children, either individually or in groups. Your doctor will be able to refer you to an appropriate person.
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